Holding hands in the time of Corona

Students need to find creative ways to stay connected to their friends and classmates while quarantined at home. Here are some useful tips.

In the outbreak of COVID-19, many governors, including California Gov. Gavin Newsom, have issued stay-at-home orders. This has been passed down to our own Orange Coast College, which has issued that most classes be continued online (however best suitable for the class). In the absence of our regular collegiate human contact, here is how you can stay connected to your friends and family from your bedroom:

Netflix Party: Netflixparty.com is an online platform giving its users the opportunity to watch a Netflix series in sync with their friend group. Get a few friends online, grab a bowl of popcorn and you can all finally watch “Her” while laughing at how society could never get to a point where we would end up falling in love with artificial intelligence. It’s not like we will ever be isolated for so long that we lose our sense of humanity and a humanoid-like AI program becomes our best friend and potential lover, right?

FaceTime dates: So you met someone on Bumble that you’re really vibing with. Easy. Order the same Postmated meal to each of your houses along with a bottle of wine. Dim the lights, turn on some Edith Piaf, and call him/her up for some social-distancing approved one-on-one time. With consent, maybe you can even sneak a cheeky blown kiss at the end of the night.

Online happy hour: Miss going out with your friends from the hours of 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. to get discounted liquor and a half-warm domestic beer? Gather a few friends for an online pub crawl to release your stresses and inhibitions of staying inside on your couch all day. The drinks are easy to replicate, but the ambiance of the guy next to you, already on his eighth mimosa by 5 p.m., trying to get your number is not.

Have grandma Twitch stream her knitting session: Do you miss the soft, gentle clink of grandma’s knitting needles hitting together while she silently judges your choice to be a philosophy major? Well, look no further than grandma using the popular game streaming service to give you all the loving judgment you need in self-isolation. Just don’t forget to clip her no-look-double-thick-and-thin-front-loop single crochet stitch as she thanks you for the 10 bits.

Zoom house parties: House parties never, ever get old. But instead of standing 6-feet apart from everyone, why not throw a party on the internet conference app Zoom in the comfort of your own home? Social distancing flip cup is soon to be the next big competitive sports stream coming to ESPN+ in light of every other sport being canceled. You better start practicing now. Oh, and don’t worry, Kevin will still manage to ZoomBomb in with his guitar that “he hasn’t played in years” with a perfect rendition of “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” by Green Day.

Drunk uncle Instagram Live political rants: Surely, you must be worried that you can’t get political insight from your most reliable source in today’s news cycle: your drunk uncle. Instagram Live is the perfect opportunity for Uncle Steve to explain trickle-down economics. He would never even think to let you forget that you’re the only one in the family with left-leaning political affiliations and you can watch as the cry-laughing emoji floods the screen from the rest of your family as he makes his second favorite politically-charged racist joke of the evening.

Microwavable egg glove: Missing the warm, tender touch of a fellow human being? Microwavable egg glove. It’s simple! Scramble two eggs, pour them into a surgical-grade latex-free glove and microwave on high for one minute. Let cool for 30 seconds and then you have yourself a perfect replica hand of that ex-girlfriend you miss so much (who you broke up with because of her kind-of weird laugh, but now she’s an Instagram model dating a photographer named Luke, who looks just like you if you looked 10 times better than you do now.) Who needs human connection when you have a microwavable egg glove? Plus it doubles as a nutritious breakfast.

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